Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
