Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
