Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
