Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
