Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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