He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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