K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
