I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
