Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
