So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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