I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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