New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
