he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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