let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm too high and old for this...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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