he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
