So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
