if only i could text you this smell
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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