woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
