i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
