I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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