dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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