Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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