That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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