Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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