i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
