I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
