You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
