Fine. I'll sleep in my office
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
So much Jack, so little girl.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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