Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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