Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My balls are so social today.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
