It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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