it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
