just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
