I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
