this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
