theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
