she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize