She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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