did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
