First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
