got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
