It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
