can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
