Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
