I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
