were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize