After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
