I'm really into asian looking animals
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
