found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize