At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
