he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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