Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
