90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize