nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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