I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
