like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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