and you said cock pushups were impossible
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
