At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
