I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It's blow job season.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
It's shark week go big or go home
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
