He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
