I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
