you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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