i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
