Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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