He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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