went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
