can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
