why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
