Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
