hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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