I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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