I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
We smell like vodka and hangover
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