there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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