This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Randomize
