What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
