mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Randomize
