I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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