I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
