You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
