Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
