found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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